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LIBRARIANA
ANGLICANA
The Sublime
The Ridiculous
The Sublime AND The Ridiculous
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of a more general nature, see our Link
Library.
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Collect
For Church Librarians, Archivists, and Webmasters
Almighty Father, who was pleased
to have your Word set down in the script of man, grant skill and inspiration
to church librarians, archivists, and webmasters that they may faithfully
continue the ministry of Jesus Christ on earth. Accept the work of
their hearts and hands as an offering of love and thanksgiving. By
your grace, may their labors help spread the knowledge and love of God
through all the world, and at the last day, may they be found worthy to
read your Word as it flows forth from the pen of your own hand.
Amen
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Collect
for Holy Scripture
Blessed Lord,
who has caused all holy Scriptures
to be written for our learning;
Grant that we may in such wise
hear them,
read, mark, learn, and inwardly
digest them,
that by patience and comfort
of thy holy Word, we may embrace,
and ever hold fast, the blessed
hope of everlasting life,
which thou hast given us in
our Saviour Jesus Christ.
Amen
Book of Common Prayer, 1928 |
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Collect
for Reading
Blessed Lord, who has given
us the gift of reading,
Grant that we use this facility
wisely,
And that it help us understand
your holy Word.
Guide us in discerning what
is true in the writings of men,
That it will make us receptive
to your grace,
Inspire us in the love and
service of others,
And strengthen our faith in
you,
Father, Son, and Holy Spirit,
One God, now and forever.
Amen
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Intercession
for Libraries and Librarians
Blessed Jerome, patron of libraries,
pray that our library may prosper as it serves God through the written
word. Pray that the materials contained therein bring our readers
closer to God and to one another in God. That it be protected from
theft and damage and disaster. That all souls be welcomed and respected.
That it never lose its focus as an instrument for the spread of God's Word.
Blessed Jerome, patron of librarians,
pray for those who work with books for God, that their labor be always
a suitable offering to God through service to man. That their work
be pursued with diligence and love, and that they be guided in right decisions
and use of resources.
Blessed Jerome, pray especially
for our readers, that they be inspired in the knowledge and love of God
through the materials prepared by librarians and provided by libraries.
Remind all who work with libraries and all who use them that the highest
end of all learning is in the love of God and their neighbors.
Gracious Lord in heaven, hear
our prayers and the intercessions of our patron St. Jerome. Grant
that all who work in and for your libraries be inspired by the skill, scholarship,
dedication, and tireless love of God shown forth by our blessed patron.
Accept your people of the book as humble servants and their libraries as
agencies of your purpose. Let them be found worthy to serve you always.
Amen
Learn
more about Saint Jerome.
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Paul--
His Cloak and His Books
St. Paul wrote to his son Timothy:
When you come, bring
the cloak that I left with Carpus at Troas, also the books,
and above all the parchments.
(2 Timothy 4:13)
In an 1863 sermon, "Paul -- His
Cloak and His Books,"; C.H. Spurgeon said of Paul:
He was inspired, and
yet he wants books!
He had been preaching for thirty
years, and yet he wants books!
He had seen the Lord, and yet
he wants books!
He had a wider experience than
most men do, and yet he wants books!
He had been caught up into
the third heaven, and had heard things that it was
not lawful for a man to utter,
and yet he wants books!
He had written a major part
of the New Testament, and yet he wants books!
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Upon
Signing the Contract
to Produce His Great Dictionary
[Suitable for librarians
feeling a little overwhelmed.]
O God, who hast hitherto supported
me,
Enable me to proceed in this labor,
And in the whole task of my present state;
That when I shall render up,
at the last day,
An account of the talent committed
to me,
I may receive pardon,
For the sake of Jesus Christ.
Amen
Samuel Johnson, 1753
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Beyond this point lies foolishness
and tomfoolery
Ann
Owed two the Spelling Chequer
Aye halve a spelling checker,
It came with my pea sea
It plane lee marks four my
revue
Miss steaks aye can knot sea.
As soon as a mist ache is maid,
It nose bee fore two long,
An die can put the error rite,
Its rare lea ever wrong.
Eye ran this poem threw it,
Your sure reel glad two no.
Its vary polished in it's weigh.
My chequer tolled me sew.
A checker is a bless sing,
It freeze yew lodes of thyme.
It helps me right awl stiles
two reed,
And aides me when eye rime.
Each frays come posed up on
my screen
Eye trussed too bee a joule.
The chequer pours ore every
word
Two cheque sum spelling rule.
Beef ore a veiling checker's
Hour spelling mite decline,
And if we're lacks oar have
a laps,
We wood bee maid too wine.
Butt now bee cause my spelling
Is checked with such grate
flare,
Their are know fault's within
my cite,
Of nun eye am a wear.
Now spelling does knot phase
me,
It does knot bring a tier.
My pay purrs awl due glad den
With wrapped word's fare as
hear.
To rite with care is quite a
feet
Of witch won should bee proud,
And wee mussed dew the best
wee can,
Sew flaw's are knot aloud.
And that is why aye brake
in two averse
Caws eye dew wan too pleas
Sow glad eye yam that I did
bye
This soft wear four pea seas.
Attributed to Jerold H. Zar,
Candidate for the Pullet Surprise
This poem has bin republished
and altared sow many thyme's that its
hard too easily discern
it's origin. Won story is that it was written bye
Jerold H. Zar, Ann administrator
at Northern Illinois University, from
opening lines suggested
bye Mark Echman and first published bye the
Journal of Irreproducible
Results , Jan/Feb, 1994. If this is true, the
original missed words that
could have bin misused, witch
resulted inn other people
supplying them on there own, and even adding
Anne extra stanza oar to.
This prompted a cottage industry inn knew
variations resulting inn
know end of confusion. |
TheChurch
Librarian's Psalm
from the Book of Melvil,
a Non-Canonical Book of the Old Testament
The church librarian is the
shepherd of our books.
For what we pay, we have no
right to want.
He maketh us desire to lie
down and read.
He leadeth us beside the still
reference section.
Yea, though we walk through
the valley of the information blizzard,
We will fear no evil clutter.
Thy Decimal System and thy
Subject Headings, they comfort us.
Thou restoreth our library,
and putterest away in it for the Lord's sake.
Thou preparest our books before
us in the presence of kibitzers and committees;
Thou annointest our card pockets
with glue;
Our shelves runneth over.
Surely order and retrievability
will follow us all the days of our lives,
And we will dwell in the house
of Melvil whenever we can finagle the time.
Translated from the library-speak
Ur-text by Steven Olderr, MA, MLS, 2001 |
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Dr.
Seuss Explains Computers
If a packet hits a pocket on
a socket on a port,
and the bus is interrupted
as a very last resort,
and the address of the memory
makes your floppy disk abort,
then the socket packet pocket
has an error to report.
If your cursor finds a menu
item followed by a dash,
and the double-clicking icon
puts your window in the trash,
and your data is corrupted
'cause the index doesn't hash,
then your situation's hopeless
and your system's gonna crash.
If the label on the cable on
the table at your house,
says the network is connected
to the button on your mouse,
but your packets want to tunnel
on another protocol,
that's repeatedly rejected
by the printer down the hall,
and your screen is all distorted
by the side effects of gauss,
so your icons in the window
are as wavy as a souse,
them you might as well reboot
it and go out with a bang,
'cause as sure as I'm a poet,
your system's gonna hang.
When the copy of your floppy's
getting sloppy on the disk,
and the micro code instructions
cause unnecessary risk,
when you have to flash your
memory and try to RAM your ROM,
quickly turn off the computer
and be sure to call your mom.
This wasn't really written
by Dr. Seuss; it was found floating in cyberspace, unattributed. |
Library
Dietary Laws
from the Book of Melvil,
a Non-Canonical Book of the Old Testament
Of the beasts of the field,
and of the fishes of the sea, and of all foods that
are acceptable
in my sight you may eat, but not in the Library.
Of the hoofed animals, broiled
or ground into burgers, you may eat,
but not in the Library.
Of the cloven-hoofed animals,
plain or with barbecue sauce, you may eat,
but not in the
Library.
Of the cereal grains, of corn,
and of wheat, and of oats, and of all the
cereals that are of bright
color and unknown provenance, you may eat,
but not in the Library.
Of the round pies of baked dough,
topped variously and wondrously
with the goodness of the Earth,
especially with pepperoni and double
cheese, you may eat, but not
in the Library, neither may you carry such
therein.
Of quiescently frozen desserts
and of all frozen treats, you may eat,
but not in the Library.
Of the juices and other beverages,
you may drink, but not in the Library.
And you shall follow this commandment
even if it be that drink of two
portions hydrogen and one portion
oxygen and even if such mixture be
held in a container of such
cunning nature that
it does not spill, yea
though it be upended.
Indeed, whenever you reach the
place where the Library begins, there
of any food or beverage you
may not eat, neither may you drink.
Adapted for St.Paul's
Parish library from Jim Farrington of
Wesleyan
University, who adapted it for use in his library from Ian
Frazier's article, "Lamentations
of the Father," originally published in the Atlantic
Monthly. |
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Life
of a Project
1. Optimism and enthusiasm.
2. Disillusionment.
3. Panic.
4. Search for the guilty.
5. Punishment of the
innocent.
6. Reward and honor for
the undeserving.
These observations have miraculous
properties. Anyone in charge of anything is instantly struck
with the firm belief that they apply to everybody but themselves. |
Ye
Olde Lybrarian Meeteth Hys Publysher
Attributed to Hugh Beakwyatt,
Second Sub-Assistant Cataloger at the
Bodleian Library, 1602-1637
Mye Lybrarie Paste, it dryeth
upp,
Mye Stampe Padde has noe Inke,
Alle mye Bookes are oute of
Printe,
O Lorde, I'm overdue, I thinke.
Yea, for when I shooshe thee
Reader now,
It maketh me lye down to wheaze,
And Duste dysturbed upon thee
Stackes,
Doth taxe me Coughe & Sneaze.
'Tis alle this poore olde Soule
can doe,
To shelve my Bookes somehow.
I've spent mye Lyfe with Payper
Wordes;
& Talke seems emptie now.
Mye Circulation getteth poore;
It hath nott escaped Detection.
Now cometh my Overdue from
Godde;
He weedeth me from Hys Collection.
Discovered on a garderobe
wall by Steven Olderr, MA, MLS, 1972
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